Need to vent about gender stuff

[dogmom]

But I'll admit, I've always been kind of confused about this idea that there's any kind of unified way of being either male or female. A few months ago, there was an opinion piece in the Washington Post about what it means to be a man, now that "toxic masculinity" is seen as less acceptable. And i didn't (don't) understand why we need being a man (or a woman) to mean anything in particular. Why can't we just all strive to be good people?

Right? I wound up not joining any support groups for trans parents for several reasons, but first up was the idea I had to mourn my “daughter” like she was dead? I was, umm, no. I had concerns, but they were how he was going to navigate in the world, be happy and be safe. My kid is still the same kids with the same interests who has a messy room, a dry sense of human, and it was still pulling teeth to spend time outside his room because teenager. What, that he might not carry a child to term, like that’s any of my business or guaranteed? It was pretty obvious to everyone in the family that once the social transition started he was SO much happier and less stressed. Besides that, what do you need? It just to be so insulting to his well being to be all, “I’VE LOST MY DAUGHTER!!” Why would I do that?

Besides, I’m just so thrilled I can use the singular they now. I’ve wanted to do that since middle school when I wasn’t sure of the gender and I had to choose he or she. I’m like, why? If you see someone in the distance and can differentiate gender it’s common to say, “Go get them” even if it’s only one person. How freaking hard is it?

[gatorsmom]

Right? I wound up not joining any support groups for trans parents for several reasons, but first up was the idea I had to mourn my “daughter” like she was dead? I was, umm, no. I had concerns, but they were how he was going to navigate in the world, be happy and be safe. My kid is still the same kids with the same interests who has a messy room, a dry sense of human, and it was still pulling teeth to spend time outside his room because teenager. What, that he might not carry a child to term, like that’s any of my business or guaranteed? It was pretty obvious to everyone in the family that once the social transition started he was SO much happier and less stressed. Besides that, what do you need? It just to be so insulting to his well being to be all, “I’VE LOST MY DAUGHTER!!” Why would I do that?

I don’t know but apparently some parents do this. My cousin has 5 daughters and 1 son. Her son who is 30yo came to her and announced that he was leaving his wife and little kids and transitioning to a woman.He said
he didn’t really know until now that it’s what he wanted and needed. He wanted his mother’s help choosing a new name. So they chose one together (I have to admit it’s ancient and Nordic and very cool). But the only thing my cousin said was that she is grieving losing her only son. She is now the mother of 6 girls. That is what she was most upset about. So for some people, I guess it’s a real thing.

[citymama]

Support you, mama! You have no obligation whatsoever. You sound like an awesome, supportive mom to your kids, kudos to you for being so respectful of their identity and privacy. I also appreciate your note for us to stop and rethink how and why we talk about gender with other parents and use gender words *constantly* when calling or referring to kids. My kids are helping me on this front but I need more reminders.