Would you do anything about this? Or let her figure it out on her own?

[Green_Tea]

As a mom to three kids in HS and college, and a teacher I would not say that it’s not typical or expected that kids are too tired to stay awake in class and if it happens with enough frequently that a teacher comments about it on a report card, something needs to change. I am really surprised by the comments not to worry about it. Being well rested enough to function even under boring/warm conditions is pretty important.

I would have her iron and thyroid checked, and if those things are fine, I’d insist on more rest - even if it means pulling back from BSA or dance.

[chlobo]

Ok, this could definitely be part of the problem. But I guess I just want to be sure she isn’t setting herself up for some problem later in life that I can’t see now. And I’ll remind her to stay off the caffeine if possible.

I think this is a valid concern. I may be in the minority on this board in believing this but you can only go so hard for so long before something has to give. Thankfully, as a healthy teenager who seems to have it all together she hasn't hit that point. At some point, maybe she could get some coaching around knowing her limits and being ok with putting something on the back burner? Habits and skills she gains in the area of self-care now will help her later when she is less able to juggle it all.

[DualvansMommy]

As a mom to three kids in HS and college, and a teacher I would not say that it’s not typical or expected that kids are too tired to stay awake in class and if it happens with enough frequently that a teacher comments about it on a report card, something needs to change. I am really surprised by the comments not to worry about it. Being well rested enough to function even under boring/warm conditions is pretty important.

I would have her iron and thyroid checked, and if those things are fine, I’d insist on more rest - even if it means pulling back from BSA or dance.

That is my thought too. Surprised and goes to show just how ingrained busy culture is. That is NOT good, nor something to be proud of “look how busy Iam! “ it does no one any favors, and especially long run cuz then poor boundaries are developed in not practicing to say no often enough where one is comfortable without any sense of guilt or pressure.

She’s a sophomore. Not 30 something year old working parent juggling many things.

Maybe it’s the time of class, right at afternoon class when her body is most sleepy; and all that yes can be factors. But constantly falling asleep though???

My 7th grader was falling asleep at his 4th period class which was around 11:30am and I knew it was because he’s getting to bed at 11pm 2 nights a week. It was no coincidence that it wA also his late soccer practice when he would get home after 9 and do his homework.

We changed things around his schedule that he does his homework before his late evening practices. And if his homework isn’t done, I told him to have his teachers take me up on that. No activity or homework is worth loss of proper sleep hygiene. Now he gets to bed at 10 and amount of fanning asleep in class is not significant anymore.

Something has to give.


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[Moneypenny]

As a mom to three kids in HS and college, and a teacher I would not say that it’s not typical or expected that kids are too tired to stay awake in class and if it happens with enough frequently that a teacher comments about it on a report card, something needs to change. I am really surprised by the comments not to worry about it. Being well rested enough to function even under boring/warm conditions is pretty important.

I would have her iron and thyroid checked, and if those things are fine, I’d insist on more rest - even if it means pulling back from BSA or dance.

I agree with this and others who have expressed concern. I think this issue is very troubling for her current and long-term physical and mental health and would address it. I'm especially concerned that her proposed solution is to attempt to medicate herself with caffeine.

I say this as the parent of a highly successful, overachieving daughter. She did very well in everything she did...until it all fell apart her senior year of high school. As a college sophomore now things are getting back on track, but she's working really hard to learn moderation and healthy coping mechanisms, and utilizes (and really needs) the support of therapy and medication to manage anxiety and depression.

Now, I understand your child is not the same as my child and yours may be totally fine in the future! But living in a high-achieving school district, I can't tell you how many kids I've seen seriously struggle with this and it doesn't just go away or get better. These kinds of kids (and adults!) always have too much on their plate. Once something falls off, they just find something else to replace it.

[gatorsmom]

Thank you to everyone who responded. We have been talking about this in our family quite a bit recently. DD did say that particular class is very boring. This teacher is a former chemical engineer who makes Chemistry class come alive, according to DD, but clearly doesn't love teaching Biology. According to DD it is the most boring class she has and can't wait to finish it. She did say that complicating the problem is the fact that her seat is directly in front of the teacher's podium. She can't switch seats because there is assigned seating (in order to separate some disruptive kids in class). So every time dd yawns, the teacher sees her.

I emphasized to DD how important it is that she get regular, quality sleep. She agreed and whined that she is looking forward to getting more and better sleep. She has a goal, and that is to pull back on her dance practices now so that she can finish her Eagle Project and Boy Scouts. Once she does that, her evenings will only be dedicated to homework and dance. It will free up her weekends. She also mentioned that she will gain an extra study hall next year due to finishing up her high school language requirements. She said she was only partly kidding about needing more caffeine. But I felt the most important part of the conversation was the fact that she recognized it was a problem, she LOVES her sleep, and she has realistic goals to get sleep.

But I'm so glad I asked here because I think we wouldn't have had that discussion if I hadn't brought it up here. I might have just brushed off that teachers comment if I hadn't heard concerns here. Thanks again!

[AnnieW625]

I think it needs to stay at this level. She has an agreement to do her Eagle Project on April 13th with the YMCA and then she will be so close to done with BSA. And it’s a quiet time in our calendar right now because she isn’t putting in extra rehearsals for anything. This summer she will be heading off to 2 two week camps, a high school trip abroad and possibly a part time job at our dentist’s office. So the summer won’t be much quieter.

I guess I’m wondering how much I should worry about this. How much can these poor sleep habits mess up her life? Once her Eagle Project is done she will finish up one merit badge and then SHE IS DONE with BScouts. Completely finished and she wants to move on. So it makes sense to get it done now.

I would honestly tell her not to pick up the part time job at the dentist office this summer. It doesn’t sound like the right time. She doesn’t need something else to do; she needs to see that she doesn’t need to be busy 24/7 to be successful. I get it as I have a competitive kid who likes to be involved but I have also limited what she can do. Maybe I am in the minority here but I have a kid who has gotten into a health related science major at three schools (large state universities) here in her field with ZERO work experience in her field or any type of job at all. She has also been admitted to three smaller Catholic universities with no work experience and has received a large scholarship to one (she applied as health and human services or biology for those). I hope she will get a job soon but if not she will get something while she is in college. If the purpose of the work is just to show work experience on a college application I would delay that until a non busy time. My experience is while it is nice it just goes to show it isn’t needed, and like others have said their perceived majors could change while in college so I wouldn’t put all of the hats in one basket now.


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[hbridge]

Definitely sit her down and talk to her about the teachers comment. Is it the time of day, blood sugar, too warm, ect? Check in with her PCP just to rule out physical issues. Talk to your DD about how she is feeling; why she is tired; is it just this one class; how much caffeine she is REALLY consuming... Is she sleeping 7+ hours a night? This means not texting or doing homework in the middle of the night, if she is, don't punish, just discuss how to keep that from happening.

Keep it a "helpful" conversation with no judgement and nothing punitive. Then, try to strategize with her to come up with some changes she can make to her schedule and lifestyle. Is there something she wants to drop from her school or non-school schedule? Is she taking too many classes with everything else that is going on? Is ballet and scouts just too much right now? You DD will probably have some interesting insight... Another thing to check is that her diet is appropriate and that she is eating a balanced diet with enough calories to support her active lifestyle.

I wouldn't push for her to make changes she doesn't want (except diet modifications if they are unhealthy or unsustainable), but I would address this and make sure there is a plan for some changes.

Sending hugs.

[niccig]

Maybe look at the sleep habits thread from a few weeks back. Some ideas there may help her get better quality sleep and be more rested.

I have disordered sleep (I sleep walk) and I’ve been listening to the sleep hypnosis session Essence posted and it’s helped me fall asleep faster and I feel more rested, even though I haven’t increased sleep time. I’ve had a few disordered sleep night still, but easily fell back asleep without waking DH.


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[niccig]

I would honestly tell her not to pick up the part time job at the dentist office this summer. It doesn’t sound like the right time. She doesn’t need something else to do; she needs to see that she doesn’t need to be busy 24/7 to be successful. I get it as I have a competitive kid who likes to be involved but I have also limited what she can do. Maybe I am in the minority here but I have a kid who has gotten into a health related science major at three schools (large state universities) here in her field with ZERO work experience in her field or any type of job at all. She has also been admitted to three smaller Catholic universities with no work experience and has received a large scholarship to one (she applied as health and human services or biology for those). I hope she will get a job soon but if not she will get something while she is in college. If the purpose of the work is just to show work experience on a college application I would delay that until a non busy time. My experience is while it is nice it just goes to show it isn’t needed, and like others have said their perceived majors could change while in college so I wouldn’t put all of the hats in one basket now.


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Agree on waiting to get a job. DS had a summer job tutoring at school between junior and senior year. We wanted him to get a job, but told him to wait until after college applications were done. He got a job about April of senior year when things eased off. Enough time to save up some money for college by the next August.


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[chlobo]

Maybe look at the sleep habits thread from a few weeks back. Some ideas there may help her get better quality sleep and be more rested.

I have disordered sleep (I sleep walk) and I’ve been listening to the sleep hypnosis session Essence posted and it’s helped me fall asleep faster and I feel more rested, even though I haven’t increased sleep time. I’ve had a few disordered sleep night still, but easily fell back asleep without waking DH.


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Oooh. Do you have a link to that? I have lots of trouble with sleep.