Helping Dd make college decision UConn, URI, UVM

[SnuggleBuggles]

Did you set a budget in the beginning of the process and tell DD what is was? If all 3 schools are within budget then I'd let DD choose. But if UConn is outside of your budget, then it's a no and DD should have known that from the beginning. That's why setting a budget from day one and letting your child know what it is, is one of the most important and first steps of the college admissions process. It makes everything easier once the decisions are in. So if your budget is $35k a year and UConn is $55k, it's off the table. But if your budget is $55k then it reminds an option, even if the other 2 schools are less. The goal is not to go to the absolute cheapest school your kid gets into, it's to go to a school within your predetermined budget. Although for some families the goal is to go to the absolute cheapest school the student gets into, but again, this would have been discussed from the beginning.

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ITA with this.


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[AnnieW625]

Did you set a budget in the beginning of the process and tell DD what is was? If all 3 schools are within budget then I'd let DD choose. But if UConn is outside of your budget, then it's a no and DD should have known that from the beginning. That's why setting a budget from day one and letting your child know what it is, is one of the most important and first steps of the college admissions process. It makes everything easier once the decisions are in. So if your budget is $35k a year and UConn is $55k, it's off the table. But if your budget is $55k then it reminds an option, even if the other 2 schools are less. The goal is not to go to the absolute cheapest school your kid gets into, it's to go to a school within your predetermined budget. Although for some families the goal is to go to the absolute cheapest school the student gets into, but again, this would have been discussed from the beginning.

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I very much agree this. You want your child to be happy. If they aren’t happy and feel like they are settling for something they don’t want it probably won’t be a good experience and may end up being more expensive in the future.

Maybe this is too nosy but I am curious as to the assets the OP says are funded the wrong way.


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[Liziz]

Did you set a budget in the beginning of the process and tell DD what is was? If all 3 schools are within budget then I'd let DD choose. But if UConn is outside of your budget, then it's a no and DD should have known that from the beginning. That's why setting a budget from day one and letting your child know what it is, is one of the most important and first steps of the college admissions process. It makes everything easier once the decisions are in. So if your budget is $35k a year and UConn is $55k, it's off the table. But if your budget is $55k then it reminds an option, even if the other 2 schools are less. The goal is not to go to the absolute cheapest school your kid gets into, it's to go to a school within your predetermined budget. Although for some families the goal is to go to the absolute cheapest school the student gets into, but again, this would have been discussed from the beginning.

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This is really great advice. A specific college is not worth destroying family finances or taking out crazy high-interest loans for, but not all colleges are equal either (not talking rankings but in regards to what's best for a particular person/major/etc.), and cheapest/best financial aid package isn't always the best choice for a particular student, either. If UConn's price point is out of budget, your DD needs to understand that and move on. But if it is an option within your budget, then the focus of the conversation should be on what the schools offer/don't offer and where best aligns with her goals.

[gymnbomb]

This is really great advice. A specific college is not worth destroying family finances or taking out crazy high-interest loans for, but not all colleges are equal either (not talking rankings but in regards to what's best for a particular person/major/etc.), and cheapest/best financial aid package isn't always the best choice for a particular student, either. If UConn's price point is out of budget, your DD needs to understand that and move on. But if it is an option within your budget, then the focus of the conversation should be on what the schools offer/don't offer and where best aligns with her goals.

I agree with this and previous comments about if it's within budget to a certain extent. But I also think there should be a "value of the school" and "is it worth an extra $XXXK over 4 years for us" conversation. Price is not everything. But it is an important life skill to learn to weigh the pro's and con's when a significant price difference is one of many variables.

It isn't just do you prefer school A, B, or C -- it becomes do you prefer school A with no money left over or do you prefer school B or C plus having $XXXK to go toward grad school/downpayment for house/retirement/etc. There is more than one school that would be a good choice for most students, so they need some help thinking about the bigger picture and how this choice affects other parts of life for you and for them.

[KrisM]

I agree that if it is in your original budget, it should stay in consideration. But I'd still have the "what can you do with $80k" discussion.

If she is thinking of changing her major, does she know what she is thinking of? Would she change it at all the universities or just to continue at UConn?

DS1's top choice was slightly out of our original budget and he knew that. He decided he was willing to take loans to make it work. But then we talked about the value of that education, his other options, and what could be done with the money. He had 4 or 5 choices well below that top choice. He ended up going with the cheapest, but we did not push for that. In the past 2 years, we put money into his Roth IRA (not rolled, just our money), and bought a car for him to use. He had a good job last summer and now has a CD with over $14k in it. He is really happy he is positive with money instead of negative, but it was really hard to help him see those things when he was 17.

Had he come back and didn't want to change and went to the expensive place, he would have been fine, but without the financial perks. We weren't going to tell him he had to go anywhere.

[jacksmomtobe]

OP Here. I really want to set her up to be in a good position in life. I feel like she could be happy at all 3 of these schools but that her current frame of mind is being impacted by friends who may go to UConn rather than the educational aspect. She is a young senior who in general is pretty responsible but sometimes needs a reality check. We live in an area where many people are very affluent . She does work and pay for her incidentals now but some others around her live very different lives. I have struggled financially at times so I don't want that for her. I don't want her making a decision for today that isn't a good one for her future. Sometimes she thinks she is more of an adult than she really is.

*The idea of possibly changing her major is related specifically to UConn. If I thought it was her true feelings then it would be a different matter.
*If she does pursue the field that she has be set on since she was 12 or maybe even younger then it would require grad school. It would not be schooling that a future employer would fund. URI actually has a program where she would be able to start her first yr of grad school in her senior year.
*Did we discuss a specific budget with her. No. Dh who was less involved encouraged a broader selection of schools whereas I tried to guide her away from those were outside of the possibility without significant merit. We are going to do a merit appeal at UConn though I am not optimistic. She has made a comment that if she got money she would like to go to UConn so I think there is some awareness.
*Could we afford to pay for UConn. I would say yes but grad school could be $150k. To pay an additional $80k which could go towards that cost does not seem wise. Again this goes with making a better overall decision. If we told her grad school was her responsibility she might say today that well I'm not sure I want to go so I don't know if it would hold the same weight as it would realistically at a different time. Also if there was an academic specific reason of why UConn was a better choice than there would be some value in paying more that would be different. Yes I agree with the idea that price is not everything and that you don't need to go with the cheapest school but I also feel things need to be framed from a financially responsible position.

Dd is going to accepted student days at all 3 schools but has told me that I cannot come to UCONN because she is going with her friends. I don't necessarily want to cramp her style but I would want to hear the parent portion.

[elbenn]

OP, reading your latest post, it sounds like you really feel there are better choices for her. I hope you can convince her to look seriously at the other options.

[SnuggleBuggles]

"Dd is going to accepted student days at all 3 schools but has told me that I cannot come to UCONN because she is going with her friends. I don't necessarily want to cramp her style but I would want to hear the parent portion."

That's non negotiable. She doesn't get to dictate that one.

[acmom]

"Dd is going to accepted student days at all 3 schools but has told me that I cannot come to UCONN because she is going with her friends. I don't necessarily want to cramp her style but I would want to hear the parent portion."

That's non negotiable. She doesn't get to dictate that one.

I agree - this is a big financial decision so I would want to hear all the information as well. And there is nothing to say she couldn't still experience the student portions with her friends while you still are present and get all the parent / general info! If I was in your shoes, I would also try to have a gentle conversation about that day and how to navigate hearing and gathering info there as her own process, not a joint one with friends, even if they are there together - noting that what is important info to their decision is mostly likely at least somewhat different than hers, since they are all unique people/students with different values, wants and needs.

ETA: Also its probably important for you to go to see if you see/hear/feel anything there (vs. the other two) that WOULD make it seem like a better option for your DD even if more expensive. And I would think if she was leaning / hoping to choose UConn, she would want you there to hear that type of info!

[AnnieW625]

"Dd is going to accepted student days at all 3 schools but has told me that I cannot come to UCONN because she is going with her friends. I don't necessarily want to cramp her style but I would want to hear the parent portion."

That's non negotiable. She doesn't get to dictate that one.

Yes that would be non negotiable for me too. If you are paying you are going. My Dd1 is excited for one of the schools where she has been admitted to because a few of her friends have been admitted as well and at least one parent is going to each visit.


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