How much did you do for your kids college applications?

[AnnieW625]

Other than making sure she didn’t apply to a lot of colleges we could possibly not afford I didn’t do a single thing for Dd1 except redo her FAFSA on Wednesday and provided her my credit card to pay the application fees. She asked DH and I specific questions but other than that she did it all.

So this is kind of b!tch honestly and I mentioned it before in another post but DD1’s BFF got into the same school DD1 did and they have very similar statistics and the exact same extra curricular activities (dance, tennis, school ambassador program, tech crew for drama, and captain of a varsity sport -Dd1 tennis and BFF dance) but BFF got an extra $22k merit scholarship per year to a school where DD1 got nothing. Dd1 told me that BFF’s mom filled out every single college (she only applied for six schools) application for BFF and did everything but the essays (I hope that is the case honestly but part of me thinks the mom could’ve written the short answer essay that was required for this university). Dd1 said that BFF didn’t even know her portal passwords until recently (which made me think twice about the short answer essay). Of course I can’t blow this parent in because she would know it is me but it bothers me that she did this.

It is this kind of FOMO that makes me mad and I know it shouldn’t and I do have the opportunity to appeal for more aid if the actual financial aid package isn’t enough if DD1 decides this school is the one for her (I am not sure it is though) after the admitted student day in a few weeks; but it still feels wrong that I know I can’t do anything about it.

[jgenie]

I’m sorry your DD didn’t get as much merit aid as her friend. You have to let it go. It stinks but it’s life. There are always people who find a way to get around the system. You’ll make yourself miserable worrying about what and how everyone else is doing things.

[daisyd]

That's unfair and it would bother me too. But PP is right. You can't control what other folks do. I hope your DD gets to go to a school she loves and has a good experience for college.

[wencit]

I tell myself and DS1 that things will eventually work themselves out in the end. Kids who had parents do everything for them won't learn the executive functioning, time management, and study skills to do well in college. Same with the rampant cheating that goes on in DS1's high school. It makes him so angry because he refuses to stoop so low, but I tell him those kids are literally just cheating themselves and will likely not do well in college academically. I advise him to "keep his eyes on his own paper" and concentrate on being the best version of himself that he can be. Sometimes it's hard, I know, but what else can you do? Many times life is not fair.

[ged]

Like you, all I did for DD1 was hand her the credit card to pay for applications, and I did my part of completing the FAFSA and CSS. Nothing else. Never saw the essays, activities listed, awards, etc. I am 99% positive my child would have gotten into more/better schools if she had me, or someone else review her essays an/or application. But she didn't. Not even a teacher. And I can't even begin to think about all the other aspects that were not reviewed. I totally irks me, but otoh, I am proud she navigated as well as she did on her own. She is private and responsible and while I wish I had a bit more input in the process, it is what it is. She is currently a first year - and does not love the college she is attending. And yes - of course - part of me is further annoyed bc all the what ifs bubble up. But, I see she is being forced to mature and really growing up - and beginning to appreciate college as an opportunity she is being given. She is considering transferring now - and looking into options. Who knows what will pan out - but her journey will be hers .

Re finances - I am a single mom, with no spousal or child support at all (her dad never paid the money is supposed to), and she knows I have a very tight budget. She is currently attending a needs meet school and getting a fabulous package. She knows that if she transfers out - she will be taking on costs herself (assuming she doesn't get a similar package elsewhere...which is most likely the case). That will be her decision - and one I don't believe she is taking lightly...but otoh, she is still a kid, so who knows, lol.

ETA - like PP have stated, life is not fair. not even in the slightest. and while you know your DDs BFFs situation, there are so many more that probably "cheated" the system even more, that you are not aware of.

[essnce629]

College admissions is NOT personal and really doesn't have much to do with individual students. It's all about the college's institutional priorities. You can't compare students 1:1, especially if they didn't apply to the exact same program and major. Merit aid is NOT about merit, it's an enrollment strategy used to get specific students to ENROLL. It may be given to increase enrollment of full pay families, new majors, males at a small liberal arts college, females in STEM, etc.

ETA: But to answer your question, I never saw DS1's common app except for the part you fill in parents' education and jobs. I never saw his essays either. But DS was at a very small independent school with just 90 seniors and 2 (now 3) full time college counselors. The counselors went over everything with with each student before anything was ever submitted. They also had a week long college application boot camp in the summer right before school started.

My job was to schedule college tours, zoom info sessions, travel logistics, and ACT prep.

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[Tenasparkl]

I tell myself and DS1 that things will eventually work themselves out in the end. Kids who had parents do everything for them won't learn the executive functioning, time management, and study skills to do well in college. Same with the rampant cheating that goes on in DS1's high school. It makes him so angry because he refuses to stoop so low, but I tell him those kids are literally just cheating themselves and will likely not do well in college academically. I advise him to "keep his eyes on his own paper" and concentrate on being the best version of himself that he can be. Sometimes it's hard, I know, but what else can you do? Many times life is not fair.

This! They need to learn all of this for themselves, and doing it for a child will only delay them from learning it.

[gatorsmom]

To answer your question, I filled out most of the Common app boxes because they were just busy work. It’s just data entry. But both ds1 and ds2 had to write and rewrite their essays, get them proofread by teachers at school, and enter those themselves. They asked their recommenders and followed up with them for their letters of recommendation. I reminded them of deadlines and other tasks. Once I introduced them to their ACT tutor, they were responsible for making zoom appointments to study and the extra homework the tutor assigned. Ds1 needed the handholding (but has become so much more confident and independent now in his second year of college), and ds2 just needed some initial help to get started. After we submitted the first 7 applications, he’s taken over the rest of the process completely. Both boys were responsible for everything else to do with college after the Common App was submitted. This wasn’t the first time they had important deadlines to meet. Both are Eagle Scouts so they took paperwork and deadlines seriously. And their middle and high school are brutal about enforcing deadlines and doing your own work.

I’m so sorry about the merit aid situation. Maybe the BFF indicated she was interested in a major this school has had a hard time filling this year. Or she wrote an essay that touched a counselors heart. Who can say why these things turn out this way? But I understand the frustration. It sucks for your dd.

[mmsmom]

Not there quite yet… DS is a junior but he will fill out all applications and his school college counselor reviews before they are submitted. Counselor said they are all submitted in his office by the student but with him overseeing everything. School has a good graphic that indicates what the student role is in the process vs the parent role and the counselor role. Basically student is the lead, counselor makes sure timelines are met and parents support & advise when asked.

I remember my applications 30+ years ago when I filled them out (paper & pen) and my mother typed them for me at work because in those days that part was done on a typewriter.

[carolinamama]

To answer your questions - I didn't do anything for DS1 other than give him my credit card for application fees. I've never seen his common app nor his essays. But that's just his way. I was frustrated at the time, worried he'd mess up something. We discovered later he accidentally submitted his good, not amazing test scores to a reach school where he meant to apply test optional. Interestingly, he was accepted so I guess his goof worked out. Who knows what else I would have caught. I'll likely need to give DS2 more scaffolding when we get there but I don't plan on actually doing the work, only keeping him on track.

It really stinks for you all about the merit. But the reality is that we never know what someone's application includes and some schools are more holistic than others, finances are different. IMO, your DD's friend was done a disservice. Her mom won't be at school with her to carry out work. She hasn't had the opportunity to learn from the process. Your DD knows she is capable of completing challenging life tasks while her friend doesn't have that valuable confidence in her own abilities.