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Thread: Giving money?

  1. #11
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    When my dad passed, a number of friends and family sent condolence cards with checks- I think it's a pretty common practice among various Asian cultures. I think any expression of support is appreciated, and if you know they could benefit from a gift card to cover groceries or other necessary expenses, it's a kind thing to do if your budget allows.

  2. #12
    mackmama is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    I would Venmo money without hesitation, and I'd reconfigure our monthly budget to make that happen if needed.

  3. #13
    California is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Gatorsmom, maybe it's a particular brand of Catholicism or church community thing- my Catholic grandma and mom also taught us to add a check to the condolence card for the practical purpose of helping with funeral expenses. When my dad died my mom (who still had two young kids at home and was active in her church) received several checks and a lot of food. Everything was greatly appreciated. Having grown up with it as the norm I didn't know until this thread that it's unusual. If there is an organized way to send money we'll use that (though agree I don't like to use GoFundMe and will avoid it if possible). Hbridge, if that have a PayPal account set up to help support the family that sounds very appropriate to me. But if they didn't, it would be okay to send a check too. You are not going to offend them by thinking of them.

  4. #14
    hbridge is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by mackmama View Post
    I would Venmo money without hesitation, and I'd reconfigure our monthly budget to make that happen if needed.
    I Venmo'd the family some funds the other day. I know they are hurting for money and it's going to be difficult for a long time. However, the family just posted that they are going to use the funds from the fundraiser this weekend to go on vacation 3000 miles away! This is why I always hesitate to donate money to families; every time I do, the need does not seem as dire as they originally make it out to be. The last time I rallied around another friend who couldn't afford clothes or preschool for her children, only to find out that her husband HAD money (along with luxury cars, the latest gaming systems, ect), they just kept their funds separate...

    I will let it go, but this donation was NOT in our budget... THIS is why I have a policy not to give money to friends!

  5. #15
    jgenie is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Default Giving money?

    Quote Originally Posted by hbridge View Post
    I Venmo'd the family some funds the other day. I know they are hurting for money and it's going to be difficult for a long time. However, the family just posted that they are going to use the funds from the fundraiser this weekend to go on vacation 3000 miles away! This is why I always hesitate to donate money to families; every time I do, the need does not seem as dire as they originally make it out to be. The last time I rallied around another friend who couldn't afford clothes or preschool for her children, only to find out that her husband HAD money (along with luxury cars, the latest gaming systems, ect), they just kept their funds separate...

    I will let it go, but this donation was NOT in our budget... THIS is why I have a policy not to give money to friends!
    I am so sorry! I have seen the same thing happen in our community and it stinks! I tell my kids we give from our heart but don’t get to decide how those funds get spent. This family may just need to get away from all the memories.

    Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains
    Last edited by jgenie; 04-18-2024 at 12:17 PM.

  6. #16
    hbridge is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Wrong place for post

  7. #17
    MSWR0319 is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by hbridge View Post
    I Venmo'd the family some funds the other day. I know they are hurting for money and it's going to be difficult for a long time. However, the family just posted that they are going to use the funds from the fundraiser this weekend to go on vacation 3000 miles away! This is why I always hesitate to donate money to families; every time I do, the need does not seem as dire as they originally make it out to be. The last time I rallied around another friend who couldn't afford clothes or preschool for her children, only to find out that her husband HAD money (along with luxury cars, the latest gaming systems, ect), they just kept their funds separate...

    I will let it go, but this donation was NOT in our budget... THIS is why I have a policy not to give money to friends!
    I stopped donating because of things like this unless it's a specific gift card for a need vs a want. We recently had a high school student in town who got very sick. He was in the hospital for quite awhile. Both parents work, their parents are well off and often give the family money for vacations and bought them their nice house. Someone started a GoFund me for medical expenses which I thought was nice, but at the same time I was thinking "we don't even know how much their insurance is going to cover." Knowing where they work, I think they have very good insurance. Sure enough, they took off for spring break and posted it on FB mentioning how donations helped. They did say it was nice to have memories together, but at the same time I feel like you have to be responsible. They could have taken a shorter vacation closer and less expensive at the very least. I've seen things happen like that too often.

  8. #18
    gatorsmom is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by hbridge View Post
    I Venmo'd the family some funds the other day. I know they are hurting for money and it's going to be difficult for a long time. However, the family just posted that they are going to use the funds from the fundraiser this weekend to go on vacation 3000 miles away! This is why I always hesitate to donate money to families; every time I do, the need does not seem as dire as they originally make it out to be. The last time I rallied around another friend who couldn't afford clothes or preschool for her children, only to find out that her husband HAD money (along with luxury cars, the latest gaming systems, ect), they just kept their funds separate...

    I will let it go, but this donation was NOT in our budget... THIS is why I have a policy not to give money to friends!
    It's so hard not to dwell on these things. Maybe they desperately need to see some family member who can't travel who is hurting from this recent death. Maybe they are desperate to escape the pain. Try to imagine that there are things you don't know that they haven't said and they do desperately need to travel. And even if your friend wastes the money, you know that you have done a kind, generous thing and good deeds make the world a better place.
    " I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent." Mahatma Gandhi

    "This is the ultimate weakness of violence: It multiplies evil and violence in the universe. It doesn't solve any problems." Martin Luther King, Jr.

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