How to process things without talking it out to DH

[niccig]

I process things by talking to DH. Whether issues at work, what my sister tells me, what friends tell me. The thing is, he doesn?t want to hear all of that! I know the people are talking to me about what?s going on in their life as we?re close, and I want to be supportive, but I then deal with it by passing it on to DH. It makes me feel better as I off-loaded it, but DH doesn?t even know some of these people when it?s work related. He cares about things and me, but doesn?t need that level of detail.

Suggestions for how to deal without dumping it on DH? I recognize this is a me problem. It?s not things to the level of needing a therapist. It?s work issues or friends dealing with their family/kids etc

Thanks for any advice

[daisyd]

I process things by talking to DH. Whether issues at work, what my sister tells me, what friends tell me. The thing is, he doesn?t want to hear all of that! I know the people are talking to me about what?s going on in their life as we?re close, and I want to be supportive, but I then deal with it by passing it on to DH. It makes me feel better as I off-loaded it, but DH doesn?t even know some of these people when it?s work related. He cares about things and me, but doesn?t need that level of detail.

Suggestions for how to deal without dumping it on DH? I recognize this is a me problem. It?s not things to the level of needing a therapist. It?s work issues or friends dealing with their family/kids etc

Thanks for any advice

This is me and my DH as well. DH set boundaries early on re: this, as he is the go-to person for his parents as well. My solution has been to talk to my parents, brother, friends IRL and to come here. I'm curious to hear what others suggest.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

I process things by talking to DH. Whether issues at work, what my sister tells me, what friends tell me. The thing is, he doesn?t want to hear all of that! I know the people are talking to me about what?s going on in their life as we?re close, and I want to be supportive, but I then deal with it by passing it on to DH. It makes me feel better as I off-loaded it, but DH doesn?t even know some of these people when it?s work related. He cares about things and me, but doesn?t need that level of detail.

Suggestions for how to deal without dumping it on DH? I recognize this is a me problem. It?s not things to the level of needing a therapist. It?s work issues or friends dealing with their family/kids etc

Thanks for any advice

Oh my goodness I could have written this post - LOL! I have no advice, just solidarity. I feel bad as I realize my poor DH was getting overwhelmed with my random vents about this or that. He is super patient but i think he has a limit. I do tell him that i don?t expect him to do anything about what i say but i think it still affects him.

This is going to sound really dumb but one thing i started doing was just talking to myself in the car when I?m myself driving. I realized that sometimes i don?t really need someone?s feedback I just need to talk out loud to sort it out in my brain. I think it does help a bit!

[gatorsmom]

I’ve struggled with this my whole life. I do my best mental processing talking things out. And for whatever reason, I’ve been cursed not to be afraid to rattle on to anyone in the world. At least now later in life I’ve noticed when people are trying to get away from me because I’m talking their ear off. Sadly as I get older I continue to find new reasons to hate myself.

But whether I alienate people or not, I really do NEED to think things through out loud. Fortunately my family seems to love me and allow me to do this. I’ve found though, that it helps to save different topics for different family members. I won’t unload it all on one person. Dd gets some, dh gets some, etc. My mom used to be my best soundboard but she been gone 19 years. She was just like me and she was blessed with 7 sisters who all lived in the same town. Some of the best times I had in my life were sitting with them in one of their houses and everyone is letting loose, chatting away all at once. It was bliss. I have 2 aunts left and they still talk like that which is awesome.

I found that keeping a written or digital diary helps. I kept diaries until my kids were born and poured a ton of thoughts and emotions into those books. That helped. I also talk to myself in the car. And I come here and unload in the lounge or BP. That helps too.

[jent]

This is me also. But DH and I have come to an agreement that I just need to vent, he?s not expected to respond or try to offer advice/solutions. In fact he can tune me out. Honestly now it?s kind of a running joke that I?ll say, I just need to vent about my day, you can stop listening to me now.

Of course, this only works if your DH is willing! I think a diary or talking to yourself could work too!

[wendibird22]

This is me also. But DH and I have come to an agreement that I just need to vent, he?s not expected to respond or try to offer advice/solutions. In fact he can tune me out. Honestly now it?s kind of a running joke that I?ll say, I just need to vent about my day, you can stop listening to me now.

Of course, this only works if your DH is willing! I think a diary or talking to yourself could work too!

My coworker and I were just talking about this recently. She likes to unload on her DH and he doesn't enjoy it. So their solution is that she has 10mins to unload and he's not expected to give advice or his opinion, just let her vent. But he keeps her to the 10mins.

[niccig]

Thanks all for the suggestions. I?ll give these a try. I think k this has become more of an issue as DH is freelancing from home so I?m he?s main social outlet. He just hears too much from just me! I?ll work on using your ideas.

[essnce629]

I prefer to vent to my mom and best friend from high school who also always calls me when she needs to vent about coworkers or her DH/kids. She says I'm her therapist lol!