nothing. everything.

[ShanaMama]

I haven't posted on any of your other threads but I've been following your situation and want yo send you huge hugs. Please don't feel like you can't post here. You need support, wherever you can get it. We're all here for you. Even if we can't quite grasp what you're going through.

[pinkmomagain]

Glad to hear that you have appointments set up.
Sorry you and your little one are under the weather. Sure doesn't help matters. But I do hope that your DH is at least helping out a bit since he's been around more and that you guys start feeling healthy soon.

Thanks for updating us. We are all pulling for ya.

[maestramommy]

Okay, was scrolling through this thread and just realized you found he was cheating on you. During your darkest times. I want to WRING HIS BLOODY NECK.

I'll be thinking and praying for both of you. Hope the counseling is a good start.

[anamika]

I am so sorry to hear that your suspicions were confirmed.
I am glad you have some sessions planned and hope they will be helpful.
I wish you strength in whatever decision you make!

[crl]

I am so sorry to hear that he was cheating on you. The rat. I am glad that you have therapy appointments. Please also go to your doctor and get screened for anything he might have brought home.

Whatever you decide ultimately, you have nothing to feel embarrassed about. That's all on him.

Please, please post here as much as you need to. And find someone to confide in IRL too.



Catherine

[dogmom]

Hopefully I won't get tarred and feathered for what I'm about to say.....

To the people that want to call him a low life scum, you are not necessarily helping. And please, there for the grace of god go I...

This is what I have learned from seeing infidelity from various angles from various points of view. Some people ARE complete selfish jerks, they will just keep cheating no matter what. They are emotionally abusive, it's as bad as hitting you. However, I've seen good people cheat on their spouses. Most of them are unhappy. Some just make as stupid mistake. What I realized is that it is easier for a married person to fall into the arms of another before confronting their own marriage. Their own failings. Their own past with their family. Their own childhood. Again and again I see people take the easy way. It is easier to have an affair than tell our spouse you are unhappy. It is easier to have an affair than look at the mother of your children and say things you don't want to tell yourself. It is cowardly. It is wrong. But it is easier in the short run.

Do not blame yourself. Don't let him push guilt on you. But you will have to open up to things you are both unhappy about. I've seen marriages not only come through infidelity, but come through into a new marriage where both people are stronger. It's not the most common outcome, but it can happen. So don't let someone ferment any more hate towards him than you already have, and don't hate yourself. So don't feel that you can't be angry at him. But don't feel that you are a patsy if you still love him and want to work on it.

In the end the right thing will come to pass, whatever that may be.

[gatorsmom]

Hopefully I won't get tarred and feathered for what I'm about to say.....

To the people that want to call him a low life scum, you are not necessarily helping. And please, there for the grace of god go I...

This is what I have learned from seeing infidelity from various angles from various points of view. Some people ARE complete selfish jerks, they will just keep cheating no matter what. They are emotionally abusive, it's as bad as hitting you. However, I've seen good people cheat on their spouses. Most of them are unhappy. Some just make as stupid mistake. What I realized is that it is easier for a married person to fall into the arms of another before confronting their own marriage. Their own failings. Their own past with their family. Their own childhood. Again and again I see people take the easy way. It is easier to have an affair than tell our spouse you are unhappy. It is easier to have an affair than look at the mother of your children and say things you don't want to tell yourself. It is cowardly. It is wrong. But it is easier in the short run.

Do not blame yourself. Don't let him push guilt on you. But you will have to open up to things you are both unhappy about. I've seen marriages not only come through infidelity, but come through into a new marriage where both people are stronger. It's not the most common outcome, but it can happen. So don't let someone ferment any more hate towards him than you already have, and don't hate yourself. So don't feel that you can't be angry at him. But don't feel that you are a patsy if you still love him and want to work on it.

In the end the right thing will come to pass, whatever that may be.

Very well said. And very insightful.

Op, im mad at him for you because I feel I've come to know you. Your DH and mine have a lot in common it seems and so do our sons. Your DH does a lot of selfish crap with no regard to you or your family. Mine did too. And you have been so patient, so incredibly patient and loving toward him. I don't think you are weak. I don't think you are a doormat. I think you have been amazingly strong. And continually hopeful that he will be the husband he should be. That he could be if he confronted his demons.

I don't think it's impossible for your marriage to come back from this. So don't feel bad for hoping. But don't feel bad either if you can't trust him anymore. Don't feel bad if you just don't want to try anymore. That won't make you weak either. You have done nothing wrong here.

I wanted to remind you too, that since your children are so little they will endure this difficult time. If ever there was an age children could best endure a storm, this is it. They won't even remember it.

Hugs to you. I'm praying for you everyday.

[gatorsmom]

Oh, wanted to add that I agree the girlfriend is a stupid bitch and a skanky whore. If she knew that your dh was untrustworthy why did she take up with him again?

I think I'd be awfully tempted to let her know he was cheating on BOTH of you this time and that she should get herself checked for the chlamydia he caught from the other woman.

[georgiegirl]

I'm so sorry. There's no shame in trying to reclaim your marriage. There's no shame in leaving. There's no shame in taking a while to figure things out.

My best friend elected to stay with her husband after discovering his infidelity (with multiple people). Had had cheated on her before they were married but living together, and she thought they had worked it out. But apparently not. It's 5+ years later and they are doing pretty well. Granted she gave up her ideal of a happy, trusting marriage. They went on to have a second child, and He's still on a tight leash. They went to individual and couples counseling. In many circumstances its harder to stay that to leave, partly because of the stigma with staying with a cheater. She was pretty private and only told a few close friends.

No matter what you decide, we are here to support you. Having a high needs baby is so stressful on a marriage, especially when one partner is gone all of the time. Many hugs to you.

[karstmama]

no advice except that even if you legitimately have some part in the less-good parts of your marriage (and really, who doesn't?) DON'T LET HIM GASLIGHT YOU. don't bend over so backwards to see his point of view that your lose sight of your own. that's what happened in my first marriage - i let him tell me how wrong my feelings were. um, no. feelings just are. actions may be wrong, but feelings just are. until they change. anyway, it seems that lots of folks here are in your corner, and i hope you're getting some warmth from that.