#59 things are looking up!- Wrong college

[SnuggleBuggles]

This is everything.

I have been thinking about you and this all day! In the end, I have no answers. Parenting during Covid is just different.


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Last night's discussion was:
-every school is going to have a break in period
-despite how it looks, pretty much everyone is looking for friends and trying to find their people
-you have to try
-what's your plan after this semester?
-we understand if this school isn't the right place for you but for practical and financial reasons we can't/won't support school hopping. See first point- every school will have a break in period and 1 week in is too soon to know

Then it became action items when it became clear that he was simply going to bide his time til he could leave. I said no way. I said that he had to spend the next days there pretending he was stuck there for good and make the best of it. That good conversation you had in the dining hall at dinner with the potential new friend? Follow that through. See what happens. Use the social media page for your dorm and invite people to the lobby to play Cards Against Humanity (and if no one is interested then you'll be in the same boat as if you didn't try). Funny enough that is the exact same advice one of his friends gave him too. Ds1 was quick to write everyone off in his dorm but I said there could easily be another kid sitting in his dorm feeling the same way about their fellow hall mates and he wouldn't know it based on the social media current discussions. I gave him a few other ideas too.

So we have an action plan and I hope he tries it. I'm not keen to get him if it's simply a social issue because that can improve. But, it sounds like that's just one part of his concern. Maybe he'll have a great weekend and things will turn around. Maybe not. Here's to hoping though that at least he leaves there with some skills and confidence on starting somewhere new and finding his groove socially there.

[jenmcadams]

Last night's discussion was:
-every school is going to have a break in period
-despite how it looks, pretty much everyone is looking for friends and trying to find their people
-you have to try
-what's your plan after this semester?
-we understand if this school isn't the right place for you but for practical and financial reasons we ca't/won't support school hoping. See first point- every school will have a break in period and 1 week in is too soon to know

Then it became action items when it became clear that he was simply going to bide his time til he could leave. I said no way. I said that he had to spend the next days there pretending he was stuck there for good and make the best of it. That good conversation you had in the dining hall at dinner with the potential new friend? Follow that through. See what happens. Use the social media page for your dorm and invite people to the lobby to play Cards Against Humanity (and if no one is interested then you'll be in the same boat as if you didn't try). Funny enough that is the exact same advice one of his friends gave him too. Ds1 was quick to write everyone off in his dorm but I said there could easily be another kid sitting in his dorm feeling the same way about their fellow hall mates and he wouldn't know it based on the social media current discussions. I gave him a few other ideas too.

So we have an action plan and I hope he tries it. I'm not keen to get him if it's simply a social issue because that can improve. But, it sounds like that's just one part of his concern. Maybe he'll have a great weekend and things will turn around. Maybe not. Here's to hoping though that at least he leaves there with some skills and confidence on starting somewhere new and finding his groove socially there.

This is all great advice and I hope he does some of it and makes it work. You mentioned in an earlier post that he was a triathlete. Is there a multisport club at his college? Biking & running are easy sports to social distance and I know even though most races were canceled, the tri community is going strong with group workouts here in CO. Any chance he has a bike on campus and could see if there's a cycling group?

[SnuggleBuggles]

This is all great advice and I hope he does some of it and makes it work. You mentioned in an earlier post that he was a triathlete. Is there a multisport club at his college? Biking & running are easy sports to social distance and I know even though most races were canceled, the tri community is going strong with group workouts here in CO. Any chance he has a bike on campus and could see if there's a cycling group?

Tri meaning 3 sports- tennis, field hockey and swimming. He did bring his racket but I think the courts are still closed as are the pools. Covid colleging is hard! He does like to bike but we didn't have room to bring it when we moved him in!

[Percycat]

What does this mean:

have a procedure for sprinvvafmits for kids like him.


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[SnuggleBuggles]

What does this mean:

Means that I forgot to fix it. Spring admits.

[hbridge]

Covid colleging is hard!

That.... Keep remembering that!!! "Covid colleging" as a Freshman is even harder!!!!!

PS Can you order him a bike and have it shipped to him so he can join a cycling team?

[carolinamama]

Last night's discussion was:
-every school is going to have a break in period
-despite how it looks, pretty much everyone is looking for friends and trying to find their people
-you have to try
-what's your plan after this semester?
-we understand if this school isn't the right place for you but for practical and financial reasons we ca't/won't support school hoping. See first point- every school will have a break in period and 1 week in is too soon to know

Then it became action items when it became clear that he was simply going to bide his time til he could leave. I said no way. I said that he had to spend the next days there pretending he was stuck there for good and make the best of it. That good conversation you had in the dining hall at dinner with the potential new friend? Follow that through. See what happens. Use the social media page for your dorm and invite people to the lobby to play Cards Against Humanity (and if no one is interested then you'll be in the same boat as if you didn't try). Funny enough that is the exact same advice one of his friends gave him too. Ds1 was quick to write everyone off in his dorm but I said there could easily be another kid sitting in his dorm feeling the same way about their fellow hall mates and he wouldn't know it based on the social media current discussions. I gave him a few other ideas too.

So we have an action plan and I hope he tries it. I'm not keen to get him if it's simply a social issue because that can improve. But, it sounds like that's just one part of his concern. Maybe he'll have a great weekend and things will turn around. Maybe not. Here's to hoping though that at least he leaves there with some skills and confidence on starting somewhere new and finding his groove socially there.

All this sounds good in these circumstances and I hope it works out for your DS. I cannot imagine how much more difficult being a freshman is in Covid-time but it seems early in the process for him to make such a definitive decision. If nothing else, you can feel peace, knowing that you are helping him work through everything as best you can.

[WatchingThemGrow]

I just got caught up in this conversation...but goodness! Poor thing! You've been rocking your side of the conversation~what a gift you've given him! We all wish we had a mom like you.

Hoping for a great weekend for him...but he's the only college freshman I know about on campus! All the others I know (IRL) are sick with COVID, isolating at home or someother guest house, hoping their universities open back up. I do know a soph transfer at WSU who is in an apt, hoping for a good sem. who just did virtual rush. Crazy times!

[SnuggleBuggles]

He acted on my advice and things are much better. He is forming a friend group. The thing that helped the most is that the school provided some more activities. Now there is something (table tennis, pool, arcade...) for the kids who need something else to do. He likes his classes too. So, fingers crossed! It might never be the school for him but hoping to get through the fall. Thanks for listening! It's been a hard week!

[Globetrotter]

He acted on my advice and things are much better. He is forming a friend group. The thing that helped the most is that the school provided some more activities. Now there is something (table tennis, pool, arcade...) for the kids who need something else to do. He likes his classes too. So, fingers crossed! It might never be the school for him but hoping to get through the fall. Thanks for listening! It's been a hard week!

Yay! I’m happy to hear this. We might be in the same situation next year.. ugh