Family planning super spreader funeral!

[JustMe]

I am also sorry and feel awful for you. No words of wisdom, but I wanted to respond.

[mommy111]

Latia, I’m so sorry. You’re in the LA area so I would call up the funeral home and limo service and threaten to report them to the authorities if they let this go through. You may be saving some lives by doing this

[Globetrotter]

I was thinking this, too.

[essnce629]

Aren’t you in the LA area? I’m kind of surprised this is allowed…

I'm in LA, but my grandma's house is in Riverside county and so is the funeral home, mortuary, and limo service. It seems like the Covid restrictions in Riverside county are much less strict than here in LA. I have a friend here in LA whose uncle died back in July, when the Covid numbers were much better, and they were only allowed 15 people at the service. My mom called and talked to the funeral home and normally their chapel holds 200 people but with Covid restrictions they're allowed 40. Even the funeral director thought it was ridiculous and said she was afraid of getting Covid every single day! My mom asked about setting up a live stream but the director said only my uncle can authorize that since he's the executor and he's refusing to allow it. My grandma paid for all her funeral arrangements years ago.

Regarding her house and belongings that someone mentioned above, my handicapped uncle who's 55 and my aunt who's 53 will continue living in my grandma's house. It's in my grandma's will that the house can't be sold as long as my handicapped uncle is alive and wants to continue living there. So no one will be going in and taking anything. My mom has 6 siblings but after that the immediate family is kind of small. I'm the only granddaughter and although I have 6 cousins, I haven't seen most of them in years and they're never around for the holidays, except for my one cousin who is DS1's age.

And yes, my mom lives with me now so if she goes to the indoor funeral service it will put all of us at risk. I know she's feeling immense pressure from her siblings to carry on like normal in regards to the funeral planning. Her sister (my aunt who lives in my grandma's house) has been telling her "even if you get Covid it doesn't mean you'll die!" As she's planning her own mom's funeral who died of Covid!!!




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[KrisM]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this on top of your loss of your grandma. No advice, but I do hope you find a way to convince people it's a bad idea.

[wendibird22]

Oh Latia I’m so sorry. This is so unfair and puts you and your mom in such an awful position.

A friend of mine who lives in St Louis lost her mom the week of shut down in March and so they couldn’t have services. In October they decided to finally have her funeral and burial. Over 20 yes 20! people contracted Covid from that service. Her family, her in laws, her sister’s family. It was horrible. And this was before numbers soared nationally as a result of holidays AND after 6 months of figuring out distancing and mask wearing and limits on how many people can attend churches and funeral homes. (And yes MO and the governor of MO are a mess and so I keep that in perspective).

My DHs uncle died last month and they did a funeral home service but only a dozen people attended and they live streamed for everyone else. It’s too bad your uncle won’t permit that.


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[dogmom]

IF your mother goes to the funeral (I hope she doesn’t, but if she does) have her wear a N95 mask and simple goggles. You can get the simple safety glasses at a hardware store, they just need some side coverage. Maybe you have a friend in Healthcare that can lift a N95 for her? It won’t be fitted, but better than a normal mask.

[basil]

IF your mother goes to the funeral (I hope she doesn’t, but if she does) have her wear a N95 mask and simple goggles. You can get the simple safety glasses at a hardware store, they just need some side coverage. Maybe you have a friend in Healthcare that can lift a N95 for her? It won’t be fitted, but better than a normal mask.

Yes, that. If you can't get N95, then there is this guy on Youtube who tests the Korean and Chinese equivalents. I ended up buying my kids some of the Korean ones just in case the cases in their school got worse. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z93BoeCuIE4

Sorry that your family isn't getting it

[gatorsmom]

I’m so sorry Latia that you are dealing with all this. I agree you should get an N95 mask for your mom and ask the funeral director if he can open some windows or leave doors open to allow for air flow. Otherwise, If you can’t get one, I read that these masks tests to be 95% effective against the virus with the included filter: https://www.outdoorresearch.com/us/face-mask-kit-283298.

[bisous]

Ugh. The plan your uncle has come up with is just terrible. I can't actually believe it! Even if your grandmother hadn't died of COVID I would think it insensitive and foolhardy in this era and the fact that she did it just seems almost sadistic. And it is just unconscionable that he won't allow it to be livestreamed. That's SO EASY these days and would easily allow for much more than 40 people. Maybe you can come at it from this angle? That that way your DSs will be able to watch as well? Surely she must have known more than 40 people? And then of course your own family (including your mom) will be able to be safe. I'd try to work this angle! Do you think your uncle will budge?

If not I like the suggestion to get an N95 and open the windows. It is a horrible position to have to miss your own grandmother's funeral (or mothers!) or risk getting a deadly illness.