Playdate gone wrong - how would you have handled?

[mackmama]

DC went to a playdate today at a friend's house. There were 4 kids there total (host + 2 kids + DC). All kids in 2nd grade. The play date didn’t go well, kids were crying, the parents were not giving adequate supervision. At one point the parent asked crying DC a question, and then the parent scolded my DC saying "That answer sounded aggressive." (DC is not aggressive and likely just felt shy talking when crying.) DC asked the parent twice to call me to pickup early because DC wanted to come home- but the parent never called me. FWIW, DC does a lot of playdates and has never asked to call me or leave early.

So how would you handle this from here? We live in a super tiny community so I don't want to alienate DC by making a big deal out of something. I don't plan on sending DC to their house for another playdate anytime soon due to the lack of supervision.

Would you say anything to the host’s parents re the parent calling my child aggressive or not calling me when DC requested it?

[TwinFoxes]

I wouldn't do anything about the aggressive comment. Maybe your DD misheard, or the tone was misread, or whatever. I'm assuming it's days later now, so a lot could have been misconstrued over time.

The not calling thing bugs me more. I can see saying "are you sure you don't want to stay little longer" but to not call after being asked twice is just odd. I also don't think leaving four seven year olds unsupervised while reading with the door closed is such a great idea. I can see if they were just playing in another room, but it sounds like the parent decided to take some me time.

[westwoodmom04]

I wouldn’t do anything. If you were already coming back at a prearranged time and there was no emergency, I may not have called you either. How long was the play date?

[AngB]

I wouldn't do anything about the aggressive comment. Maybe your DD misheard, or the tone was misread, or whatever. I'm assuming it's days later now, so a lot could have been misconstrued over time.

The not calling thing bugs me more. I can see saying "are you sure you don't want to stay little longer" but to not call after being asked twice is just odd. I also don't think leaving four seven year olds unsupervised while reading with the door closed is such a great idea. I can see if they were just playing in another room, but it sounds like the parent decided to take some me time.

Agreed.

I wouldn't do/say anything, but I would decline future playdates at this child's house.

[DualvansMommy]

I wouldn’t say or do anything to the host mom. Just decline future play dates at her house.

The not calling me would bug me. Especially if it’s a long time. Ie more than 3-4 hours. Anything shorter, I can see why she didn’t call since it’s such a short time play date and host mom figured you were coming back at the prearranged time.

DS1 is in 2nd grade, and I never hover around in their immediate area. I just leave them be, and do my own thing. But I wouldn’t have hung upstairs for most part with my bedroom door closed though, I can’t relax reading anyway whenever I’ve a bunch of kids in my house! I’m more likely to be in the kitchen, office, doing stuff around the house or outside when weather is nice on my deck.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

[specialp]

What did DC say/respond with that preceded the "aggressive" remark? Kids together can blame each other not trying to be ugly, but to take away from their part in the dispute and it can come off wrong. I guess if my child could remember what was said to them, but not what THEY said, I'd take it with a grain of salt.

The not calling would bother me. I would be sure to say, "call me if DC asks to leave or call me" from now on. I've never been called, but had to call and sometimes just talking to mom or dad helps. Even if mom or dad was schedule to come soon, I would let them know. You shouldn't have to do that, but I think if you do people will.

[bisous]

I wouldn’t do anything. If you were already coming back at a prearranged time and there was no emergency, I may not have called you either. How long was the play date?

Really? I’m surprised by this. You’d say you call the parent but you wouldn’t? When I drop my kids off I always tell them to call me if they need anything. I wouldn’t imagine that my child would be denied that opportunity.

OP, I think I’d be careful dropping off at that home from now on. I’m really not that concerned about the lack of supervision. Maybe I’m only picturing my small house but I could easily be in another room when hosting 7 yos but I’d intervene if there was crying for sure too. The not calling thing is bothersome to me. The aggressive remark is too hard to unpack so I might not worry about it too much. But all things together would make me cautious to drop off there again.

Ps. Just out of curiosity, how did that separate play date work out? I’m just imagining that some kids would feel left out from such an arrangement that might lead to “friend drama” but maybe it works out fine and that’s totally normal?

[mackmama]

Separate playdate was spontaneous. We were driving the other kid home so it just turned into anothet play date.

Group playdate was 2 hours long.

I am uoset that the mom didn’t call me when DC specifically asked twice. Not cool in my book. Just not sure if I should say something about it now after the fact or only if there was going to be another play date (which won’t happen anytime soon at their house.)

[StantonHyde]

I wouldn't say anything and I wouldn't do another playdate at that house and certainly not with the dynamics of that group.

[bisous]

Separate playdate was spontaneous. We were driving the other kid home so it just turned into anothet play date.

Group playdate was 2 hours long.

I am uoset that the mom didn’t call me when DC specifically asked twice. Not cool in my book. Just not sure if I should say something about it now after the fact or only if there was going to be another play date (which won’t happen anytime soon at their house.)

That makes sense. I wouldn’t say anything. I would also not trust those parents again. I just don’t think that such a conversation can be productive.