SAHM Rant: You're a SAHM, so can you watch my kid?

[priscilla73]

Hi all...new to this board but frequently post on others. I am a SAHM but my husband and I make sacrafices for me to be able to stay home with our kids. I worked up until I had my first child.

I wonder if I have "FREE BABYSITTER" written on my forehead sometimes. I took my dd to the school yesterday to find out who her 4th grader teacher would be and met a lady who lives on my street. This lady, I might mention, has never waved at me or my husband when we pass on the street. After 5 minutes of small talk, I begin to load my 3 kids in the truck and she comes back up to me said, "So, if you don't work, then you can probably watch my son for me. I have to work and my mom sometimes forgets to pick him up" Uh, NO! This happens to me every year and sometimes I get suckered into doing it when the parents say "Just this one time" I really don't mind helping people out in a bind but I don't like being taken advantage of.

I feel like sometimes people think just because I stay at home that I have nothing better to do than to sit around and watch their kids. I have tons of things to do. So much that I feel I can never get anything done. I never put my kids off on other people and always make arrangements prior to doing anything.

Is it just me?????????????
Frustrated in California,
Priscilla

[momathome]

Yuck, that is so incredibly rude! As a SAHM to 2 girls, I know only too well how busy your day must be. It's one thing in an emergency to ask a neighbor for help, it's quite another to just assume that you will always be there to back her up when her own childcare arrangements don't work out. Stick to your guns and tell her you are too busy watching the soaps and eating BonBons to help her out! ;)

[deborah_r]

Maybe if you say "Sure, I'll do it for $30-$40 per hour", that will get them to leave you alone!

[miki]

Hee-hee.

Honestly, some people are nuts. Who goes and asks a virtual stranger to take care of her kid and just assume that they will do it and that it's not a huge imposition?

[pritchettzoo]

Whaaaaaaat? Asking a total stranger (essentially) out of nowhere to watch your children?

Maybe have a pat answer rehearsed for such situations... "Actually, I'm pretty busy with my 3. I'd love to find someone to watch them sometimes!"

If someone nails you down to a specific request, you could just make up a doctor's appointment. Or be honest and say something like, "As a SAHM, I get taken advantage of and it takes away from my caring for my own children. So to avoid feeling guilty or obligated, I've just made it a policy not to take care of other children. I can recommend a good in-home daycare for you though."

Anna

[priscilla73]

Sometimes I just don't know how to say 'no' I didn't even come out and tell this lady 'no' I just changed the subject and then practically stuffed my kids in the truck and excused myself saying that my baby was fussy.

I've never asked anyone, other than family, to watch my kids. I don't understand how people can just come out and ask or assume that I wouldn't mind. Maybe they think, "What's one more?"

I had a problem with one of my daughter's classmates last year. The little girl's mom was a Day Care Provider and decided to change fields and get a job. She asked me atleast once, sometimes twice a week if her daughter could "Come over and play at my house afterschool." The mom called it Play Dates, but my husband said, "No, you're a free babysitter" I stopped answering the phone after that. The ironic thing about her is that she used to charge for day care and here she is calling it a play date!

I think Anna's rehearsed answer is a good idea. I'll do that. Or I'll tell the truth and say I'm too busy watching soaps and eating Bon Bons! ROFL!!! Too funny!!!!

Priscilla

[KBecks]

It's hard, but all you have to say is, -- No, I don't watch other people's kids, I stay at home for MY kids -- sorry.

No reason to make up excuses. And you can still be friendly, but firm.

Yeah, it sounds so easy typing it out here, but I know it's very hard. However, by saying no, you're communicating clearly and doing the right thing for you AND the other person. Don't let the other person think for a minute that they have a resource when they really don't.

KBecks

[zen_bliss]

>"So, if you don't work, then you can probably watch my son for me.
> I have to work and my mom sometimes forgets to pick him up"

"oh, you're mistaken. i do work, and i am very busy." let her figure it out.

sounds like she inherited her personality defects from her mother -- who forgets to pick up her own grandson???? stay far away from this nutbar!!

[lizajane]

i think you should SERIOUSLY answer that you charge $10/hour like the other babysitters you know!!!!

when i watched my friends' kids on a regular basis, they PAID me. when my best friends need someone to watch their kid while they have a dentist appt, they just ask in advance- and i do the same. (schuyler just spent the night at a friend's house while we went out of town to a wedding.) but even the folks who paid me are pretty good friends, not STRANGERS!!!! you HAVE to be kidding me! i would laugh at them.

[pixelprincess]

Priscilla, can i bring DS for you to watch since you are in CA? hee, hee. you know, the biggest compliment to you is that you must look like a person that can be trusted without knowing you. yep, why else would complete strangers be asking you to babysit?